I never thought bullying could occur in college. I remember dealing with that in seventh grade, one of the things most people can't avoid in their middle school years. But never in the world did I think I would ever have to face this thing in college. I thought it was something that only middle school kids love doing; like an eary-teen stage that everyone outgrows with time.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
I honestly have no idea what caused these two girls in my college to hate me. Well, I can guess. The one girl likes English and thought that knowing the word 'clouds' would automatically make her the best English speaker in this entire school. Not trying to be harsh here, but even many Americans' assumption that they are proficient in English has failed upon meeting me, and now we are talking about a Russian village girl. I never intended to show my English off, but that kind of just happened. The girl took immediate dislike of me. And the other one, well, is the typical 'I am so amazing' type. You know, the shortest skirt in the world, the highest heels imaginable, a ton of make up type. And she probably thinks I look ridiculous in my non-revealing clothing and simple make up. Whatever the reason, they've been unbearable.
These sickening laughs. Their loud voices. Their constant sickening swearing. Their habit of referring to me as 'it'. These constant 'Look at that' that have to be accompanied by the aforementioned sickening laughter. And so much more.
I hate to admit, I've hated that.
The thing is, it doesn't really insult me as a person. I mean, I know who I am in and to Jesus. I know that these ways of trying to belittle me do not say anything about who I am, but very well expose the ugliness of their own souls (which could go away in less than a minute!), but what has been hurt is my pride.
Which really needs to be humbled anyway.
I also hate to admit, I've done plenty of disgusting things in my mind, too. I've called them both plastic heartless dolls. While they might be acting like ones, it does not give me a right, as a person and a Christ follower, to lower myself to the level of name calling.
It just doesn't work that way.
I've struggled to pray for them. It just doesn't come naturally, but it's been such a great relief. I've not seen any results yet, but I know the Spirit is at work.
What I've been thinking about, though, is how greatly God actually wants to use this situation. These two girls, hardened as they are, need God a lot more than they can imagine. I doubt they have anyone else who can lift them up in prayer, and proclaim God's promises into their lives. While I can be very discouraged by how they act toward me, I can also serve them like Jesus serves me every day. They will probably never know, but God who searches my heart will. I am also somebody who needs a lot of edification. There's some major humbling I need to go through, but there is so much more than that. I've always been amazed at how Jesus, looking at a sinner, does not see the disgusting things the person has done. Instead, he sees a child of God that is precious to him. I am amazed at how Jesus sees a person apart from their sins. Yes, he never approves of anyone's sins, but neither does He condemn. And if the Holy Son of God does not condemn anybody, then who are we to do it? It humbles and encourages me to ponder that time when an adulteress was brought to him and he simply said, 'Let the one who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her'. I was the person deserving to be stoned to death for my transgressions, so how am I different from others? I can admit, I can somehow manage to look at somebody with compassion and not judge them for their sins, unless their sin is aimed directly at me or people I love. But this kind of 'love' is so fake. It completely contradicts the teachings of Jesus, who told us to love both the righteous and the unrighteous alike.
But I say, love your enemies![s] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends,[t] how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:44-48 (NLT)
This is simply not my job to judge anyone, my job is to love them. When I think about Jesus quietly enduring the beatings, the mocking, the spitting in His face, it humbles me to think that He was tempted to judge those who did that to him just as I am tempted. But instead, He chose to love them and pray for them, saying, 'They do not know what they are doing...'. Now how hard is it to endure being picked on by a bunch of college girls compared to what Jesus went through? Suddenly, it seems like nothing.
Suffering on Earth is temporary. It gives me great joy to think that God's power is made perfect in weakness, and He can use any situation to build me up and save His lost sheep. But the glory of forever being in blissful fellowship with your Maker in Heaven is eternal.
My Dear Father in Heaven, I pray that my heart would break for what breaks your heart. I pray that I would learn to see your Image in every person you create, no matter how they act. I was once there myself, but you brought me out into the light and set my feet on your Rock. I praise you for delivering me from the pit of sin. Help me to not want to come back to that life of sin by judging and condemning others! Help me to see these people through your eyes, help me to see them the way you see them - loved and precious. Help me to be the light and the salt by simply loving people, whoever they are.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
I honestly have no idea what caused these two girls in my college to hate me. Well, I can guess. The one girl likes English and thought that knowing the word 'clouds' would automatically make her the best English speaker in this entire school. Not trying to be harsh here, but even many Americans' assumption that they are proficient in English has failed upon meeting me, and now we are talking about a Russian village girl. I never intended to show my English off, but that kind of just happened. The girl took immediate dislike of me. And the other one, well, is the typical 'I am so amazing' type. You know, the shortest skirt in the world, the highest heels imaginable, a ton of make up type. And she probably thinks I look ridiculous in my non-revealing clothing and simple make up. Whatever the reason, they've been unbearable.
These sickening laughs. Their loud voices. Their constant sickening swearing. Their habit of referring to me as 'it'. These constant 'Look at that' that have to be accompanied by the aforementioned sickening laughter. And so much more.
I hate to admit, I've hated that.
The thing is, it doesn't really insult me as a person. I mean, I know who I am in and to Jesus. I know that these ways of trying to belittle me do not say anything about who I am, but very well expose the ugliness of their own souls (which could go away in less than a minute!), but what has been hurt is my pride.
Which really needs to be humbled anyway.
I also hate to admit, I've done plenty of disgusting things in my mind, too. I've called them both plastic heartless dolls. While they might be acting like ones, it does not give me a right, as a person and a Christ follower, to lower myself to the level of name calling.
It just doesn't work that way.
I've struggled to pray for them. It just doesn't come naturally, but it's been such a great relief. I've not seen any results yet, but I know the Spirit is at work.
What I've been thinking about, though, is how greatly God actually wants to use this situation. These two girls, hardened as they are, need God a lot more than they can imagine. I doubt they have anyone else who can lift them up in prayer, and proclaim God's promises into their lives. While I can be very discouraged by how they act toward me, I can also serve them like Jesus serves me every day. They will probably never know, but God who searches my heart will. I am also somebody who needs a lot of edification. There's some major humbling I need to go through, but there is so much more than that. I've always been amazed at how Jesus, looking at a sinner, does not see the disgusting things the person has done. Instead, he sees a child of God that is precious to him. I am amazed at how Jesus sees a person apart from their sins. Yes, he never approves of anyone's sins, but neither does He condemn. And if the Holy Son of God does not condemn anybody, then who are we to do it? It humbles and encourages me to ponder that time when an adulteress was brought to him and he simply said, 'Let the one who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her'. I was the person deserving to be stoned to death for my transgressions, so how am I different from others? I can admit, I can somehow manage to look at somebody with compassion and not judge them for their sins, unless their sin is aimed directly at me or people I love. But this kind of 'love' is so fake. It completely contradicts the teachings of Jesus, who told us to love both the righteous and the unrighteous alike.
But I say, love your enemies![s] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends,[t] how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:44-48 (NLT)
This is simply not my job to judge anyone, my job is to love them. When I think about Jesus quietly enduring the beatings, the mocking, the spitting in His face, it humbles me to think that He was tempted to judge those who did that to him just as I am tempted. But instead, He chose to love them and pray for them, saying, 'They do not know what they are doing...'. Now how hard is it to endure being picked on by a bunch of college girls compared to what Jesus went through? Suddenly, it seems like nothing.
Suffering on Earth is temporary. It gives me great joy to think that God's power is made perfect in weakness, and He can use any situation to build me up and save His lost sheep. But the glory of forever being in blissful fellowship with your Maker in Heaven is eternal.
My Dear Father in Heaven, I pray that my heart would break for what breaks your heart. I pray that I would learn to see your Image in every person you create, no matter how they act. I was once there myself, but you brought me out into the light and set my feet on your Rock. I praise you for delivering me from the pit of sin. Help me to not want to come back to that life of sin by judging and condemning others! Help me to see these people through your eyes, help me to see them the way you see them - loved and precious. Help me to be the light and the salt by simply loving people, whoever they are.
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